20 Famous Actresses - pag 2
Movie: Parasite (1982)
Lately, Demi Moore’s acting career has taken a backseat, playing second fiddle to the tabloid-magnet’s Twitter follies, divorce drama, and rehab stints. Let some untrustworthy producer promise the impossibly fine Moore a box office resurgence in a 3D genre flick, though, and Ashton Kutcher’s cougar ex can proudly tell them that she’s been there and done that, back when it wasn’t so overdone, no less.
Proof that the film industry’s three-dimensional fuckery has been a waste of time since the early 1980s, the easily dismissible 1982 sci-fi/horror clunker Parasite did little to sell haters on those plastic 3D glasses. Nor did Moore’s performance, just one of many hardly-there acting turns from a cast of non-factors who either didn’t read their scripts before signing those contracts or always dreamed of starring in “the first futuristic monster movie in 3D!” As they say, be careful what you wish for…
Movie: Deadly Blessing (1981)
When film historians discuss the legacy of horror master Wes Craven, whether today or years from now, the films they’ll no doubt cite with reverence are The Last House On The Left, The Hills Have Eyes, A Nightmare On Elm Street, and Scream. The director’s bizarre, altogether inept misfire Deadly Blessing, or any of the other films on our Craven-dissing list from last year, doesn’t stand a chance in Freddy Krueger’s dream-hell in making the conversation.
Not unless the scholars redirect the chat to one Sharon Stone, the classic blonde sexpot who had the misfortune of signing onto a bad Craven film, the aforementioned Deadly Blessing. An optimist could look at it this way, though: How many other actresses can say that Wes Craven made them taste a spider in their mouth for a poor movie’s random, logic-free dream sequence?
Movie: Alice, Sweet Alice (1976)
OK, so the primary reason why Alice, Sweet Alice has placement here is because the low-budget 1976 chiller featured an 11-year-old Brooke Shields’ first movie role, one in which (Spoiler Alert!) she’s savagely murdered early on.
Really, though, Shields’ involvement is beside the point—any chance to promote Alice, Sweet Alice is one that a self-respecting horror lover can’t pass up. Centered around a pint-sized and deranged serial killer and ripe with the kind of inventive deaths horror heads crave, religious undertones, and a wonderfully creepy atmosphere, director Alfred Sole’s sadly neglected flick is one of the ’70s’ best genre efforts. Seek out a hard-to-find DVD copy at your earliest convenience.
Movie: Troll (1986)
Here’s a rare case of an actress who should wish that she was in one of the worst movies ever made, instead of its inferior, much less entertaining predecessor. Back when she was looking to make a name for herself, a mere three years before Seinfeld began and changed her world, Julia Louis-Dreyfus was a nondescript co-star in the ridiculous monster flick Troll. Which, of course, led to the magical, everlasting 1990 sequel Troll 2, a high-ranker on our recent list of The 50 Best Bad Movies. Your girl Elaine Benes should’ve waited four years before popping her horror cherry.
Movie: Piranha (made for TV, 1995)
The 2010 3D remake of Joe Dante’s 1978 B-movie gem Piranha was a one-stop shop for horror’s most perverted fans: It had a surplus of blood, guts, murders, killer fish, and fake boobies moving in slow-motion. It was a far cry from producer Roger Corman’s lazy, made-for-TV redo from 1995, which, amongst other lifeless practices, actually recycled special effects from Dante’s original film.
Needless to say, it’s a crock, but it’s also one of the reasons why we’re able to ogle and adore Mila Kunis on a daily basis today. If only she would’ve chosen Piranha 3D over 2010’s The Book Of Eli, though.
Movie: Leprechaun (2003)
In most cases, it’d be perfectly justifiable for an actress of Jennifer Aniston’s stature to down-talk a filmography-stainer the likes of 2003’s lame-brained Leprechaun, but Ms. Aniston hasn’t exactly proven herself as a box office titan. Take the money earned by her most recent flop, the otherwise passable comedy Wanderlust: a measly $7 million over its opening weekend, continuing a string of poor Aniston-led performances.
So, if it weren’t for all of her gossip blog mentions, glamorous photo shoots, and post-Friends goodwill, Aniston could very well be calling Warwick Davis and pitching a Leprechaun spoof on his new HBO mockumentary series Life’s Too Short. Come to think of it, that’s a great idea. We take back the credibility jabs.
Movie: The Burning (1981)
By co-starring in the gruesome 1981 flick The Burning, Holly Hunter came this close to horror movie infamy. The good fortune benefitted her character, as Hunter’s young camp attendee’s decision to stay off a raft at the midpoint of the under-appreciated shocker The Burning did keep her alive.
What it didn’t do, however, was allow the wet-behind-the-ears actress (as well as a young Jason Alexander) to take part in one of the slasher sub-genre’s all-time great sequences: the evisceration of five teenagers in less than 30 seconds. It’s better to be saluted by association than not at all, no?
Movie: Ghoulies (1985)
Unless you’re one of the millions of loyal viewers who’ve stuck it out with the undying TV hit Law & Order: Special Victims Unit, chances are that you’re not very familiar with Mariska Hargitay, but, guess what—her backstory is more interesting than most of the actresses we see on a daily blogging basis.
Aside from her multiple Emmy and Golden Globe nominations and wins, Hargitay is, get this, the daughter of 1950s sex symbol/pin-up/blonde bombshell Jayne Mansfield, and her father, Mickey Hargitay, was a onetime Mr. Universe. And she even has a half-brother who directed episodes of the Gorgeous Ladies Of Wrestling. Imagine how crazy those family reunions must’ve been.
Best of all, though, Hargitay has the distinct honor of saying that she made her feature film debut in the silly 1985 creature feature Ghoulies. One look at the film’s poster, seen above, should explain that deserved pride.
Movie: Phenomena (1985)
We knew there was a underlying reason why the mere thought of Jennifer Connelly always fills us with those warm fuzzies inside. Not only is she gorgeous and talented, but the venerable Connelly is also an alumna of the Dario Argento School of Horror. And that, as any genre head will affirm, is no joke.
In her first-ever starring role, a then-15-year-old Connelly took the lead in the Italian shock-master’s typically batshit, and nonetheless amazing, cinematic bloodbath, about a madwoman who’s slaughtering at an all-girls academy (mmm...naughty schoolgirls). In addition to her psychic powers, Connelly’s character (also named Jennifer) also has an unabashed affinity for bugs, which comes in handy when, in one of Phenomena’s (renamed Creepers here in the States) sickest moments, she calls upon a swarm of flies to bite chunks out of a dude’s flesh.
She does lose cool points for one maneuver, though: When a lengthy making-of documentary popped up on Phenomena’s special U.K. Blu-ray release last year, Argento and most of the cast’s voices were heard giving anecdotes, but not Connelly’s. Don’t let us find out that she’s ashamed, now.
Movie: A Nightmare On Elm Street 3: Dream Warriors (1987)
The majority of women on this list would rightly hang their heads in shame over the movies in question here. Patricia Arquette, on the other hand, should be damn proud. Kicking her acting career off in the severely underrated sequel A Nightmare On Elm Street 3: Dream Warriors (Freddy Krueger’s finest hour after his debut one), the blonde bombshell turned in a strong performance that elevated one of the best horror movie sequels of all time.
In this blast of a slasher flick, which was co-written by former Walking Dead showrunner Frank Darabont, Arquette plays one member of a group of young psych ward patients all connected by their having survived Freddy’s wrath—for the time being, that is (Spoiler Alert! Arquette’s character does make it into 1988’s A Nightmare On Elm Street 4: The Dream Master with her pulse still active.)
Arquette, however, did not return; the role was recast, with actress Tuesday Knight stepping in for the save. Considering that Knight’s biggest look post-Dream Master has been a blink-and-you’ll-miss-it appearance in Sex And The City 2, something tells us that Arquette made the right move back in 1988.
Movie: Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Next Generation (1994)
With its cast of soon-to-be stars, Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Next Generation is horror’s most unlikely launching pad for A-list Hollywood talent. And, no, we’re not talking about co-stars Robert Jacks or Tonie Perensky—yeah, we have no clue who they are, either.
But we do know one thing both of those folks can say with their chests puffed up, though: “We once acted in a film alongside a future Oscar winner and The Lincoln Lawyer.” Playing the forgettable, oddly goofy sequel’s “final girl” heroine, a then-unknown Renée Zellweger fought for survival against a crazed, homicidal hillbilly with a robotic leg, played by none other than Matthew McConaughey, himself just a struggling actor at the time. Wonder if they reminisce about the scene in which McConaughey’s face gets chopped off by a plane’s wing at those Academy Award parties.